Dear Goddess,

I'm getting married in a few days.  But at this moment, I can think of nothing but calling off the wedding.  If the way we have been during the planning of our wedding is an indication of how compatible we are, then we have no business being together.  I think he's cheep, he thinks I'm frivolous, he wants to give gag gifts to our guests, I want to give them something meaningful and spiritual.  He's turned into Mr. Passive Aggressive and I've turned into a Drill Sergeant.  The final straw was   when he insisted we serve our guests their reception dinner on paper plates instead of china.  I ran straight to the local record store and bought the soundtrack to 'Runaway Bride' and played it all night long hoping he'd get the message.  There is so much to do to get ready for the wedding, and I have no energy, excitement or passion to do any of it.  Goddess, I really need your help' what should I do?

Please come to my rescue,

Renee the Runaway Bride

Dear Renee,

What you need, first of all, is a primal scream.  Go ahead, let it rip.  It's near impossible to be the happy, perky bride-to-be when you are carrying around all this stress and upset. 

Second of all, let me tell you that you are in good company.  Every bride I've ever known, including those on a shoe string and those with an unlimited budget go through intense stress during the final planning stages of their wedding.  What you are dealing with is the fine print that you didn't read before signing up to create your wedding. 

Because the stakes are so high, the differences between you and your fiance have become exaggerated.  This is the painful part.  You both love each other immensely, yet you are relating to the other as an enemy' . during what is supposed to be the most romantic time of your life.  Yeah right! Yes, these challenging issues you are facing are real.  Yes, they will raise their ugly heads again down the line in your marriage. However, NO, they are not the whole story about the two of you.

A gratitude fest is what this occasion calls for--to give you the reality check you need.  Carve out a pocket of time, between 20 minutes and 2 hours, just the two of you, where you immerse each other in gratitude.  During this time suspend all the wedding plans, issues to discuss, and hurt feelings as you focus only on the aspects and qualities you love about each other' from your smile to his sense of humor, to the reasons you said 'yes' to getting married.  Once you've saturated each other with love, appreciation, and gratitude, your rough edges will be sanded down enough to make these final stages work-through-able. 

The next time you bump heads with your hubby-to-be, and you really want your way, tell your inner drill sergeant to be at ease, and allow your inner goddess to come to attention while you empower your groom to be your war hero by saying the following: 

"I know you want our wedding to be successful and I love you for that.  And I know that my desire for china at the reception might seem frivolous.  But, even though I can't explain how important it is to me, would you be strong enough to give me this one?' 

Follow this request with silence, or walk away as you say, 'Let me know.'

'Give him the dignity of being powerful, and give yourself the dignity of not having to be bossy and making demands.  Yes, I know,   it is easier said than done' but, remember, you are a goddess.  Regardless of your circumstances, you are connected to a higher source that knows what it is doing.  When you remember who you are: an unlimited, beautiful spiritual being having a bridal experience, your expanded perspective will alter your ability to successfully make your way to the altar, and will give you a strong base to work from in your marriage. 

Congratulations!

Photo by Jenn Moseley

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