Dear Goddess,

I'm a 36-year-old single mother of two young daughters and desperately in love with a struggling musician who is ten years my junior.  Before he met me, he had never been in a monogamous relationship that lasted over 4 months.  We've almost been together a year this is BIG for him).  He continuously expresses the fact that, although he loves me deeply, he is far from his normal comfort zone, and is miles from being ready to settle down and declare eternity to me. He says that once he gets a record deal and starts making "real" money, all will change.  However, the longer we are together, the more my daughters and I are growing attached to him.  I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but, shouldn't the fact that he isn't clear about me (and my girls), be writing on the wall that I should leave now before I, or should I say we, get our hearts broken?  Or should I stick it out with him, wait for him to get the elusive record deal, and hope that he will fall as madly in love with us over time as we have fallen for him? Help!!!

Hopeless Helen

Dear Hopeless Helen,

The Goddess within you knows that futurizing your happiness is a recipe for drama whether it's projecting that all will be rosy when he gets a record deal, or when you have a ring on your finger.   The Goddess within you knows that as you breathe in your connection to the divine within you, you are connected to all the love, wealth, and guidance of this universe, now.  Regardless of whether or not he proposes to you, I propose that you spend some time committing to your practice of remembering who you really are...a Goddess...a gift of beauty and love to this world! As you do this, you will become so attractive that your problem will become one of having to manage the devotion that your boyfriend will lavish on you, Remember, he is a mirror of how you feel about yourself!).  And as you do this, you will become a wonderful role model for your daughters {of?} a woman of dignity, empowerment, and self-love!

The real question here is actually, "Are you sure that you want to spend eternity with Mr. Struggling Musician???"  Perhaps his lack of commitment is a blessing in disguise! Do you really want to provide for THREE children all your life?  And, by the way, just because someone proposes marriage to you (if and when they do), there is no guarantee that the two of you, or should I say, "the four of you" will live happily ever after.  Statistics report that 50% of marriages end in divorce within the first year!!!  The only way to guarantee a happy future for you and your girls is to create a happy today, starting NOW! 

Take a "future conversation vacation" for six months (you can do this!).  Bite your tongue when you feel compelled to check in with him about wedding plans.  If six harmonious months go by, and he still hasn't said "boo" about "I do", then the Goddess says, "Bye, bye little drummer boy!"  However, if he shows actual signs of transformation and expresses that he can conceive of a future together, then, there may be hope for the two of you after all.  During these six months, do something each day that enhances your inner Goddess Queen Midas bank account of self-love and confidence: give yourself bubble baths, walks on the beach, write love letters to yourself, dance to your favorite music...whatever makes you happy and feeds YOUR soul. 

The key to making beautiful music together is first and foremost for you to remember who you really are...(a Goddess) and to behave accordingly!

Dear Goddess,

I am newly single after a five-year battle-filled relationship with a world-class Drama Queen.  It took two Rabbis, three Catholic priests, and an intervention from my friends and family to pry me away from this extremely self-destructive relationship. 

After being single for the past few months, I find myself longing for another relationship...but this time I want it to be healthy...is that too much to ask???  The only problem is, that I've never been in a healthy relationship, so, how can I trust myself not to fall into the same old trap I always get seduced into?  Is it really possible for me to manifest a loving healthy relationship with a woman that actually feeds my soul instead of depletes it?  Help!!!

Don the Desperate Drama-King Doormat

Dear Don,

I hear that you sincerely want to break the pattern that has run your relationship history. The good news is that your desire to change means that you're half way there.  Congratulations! 

Step one in your transformational journey is to understand that "you attract where you're at".  This means that if you're attracting Drama Queens, this means that you must be a Drama King.  At the core of a Drama King is low self-esteem.  In order to correct this core issue, and attract a Goddess Queen you must realize you're having an identity crisis...YOU'RE NOT WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE!  The low self-esteem means that you're identifying yourself with a projected image that is "un-esteemable".  This is your wake-up call, Don!!  The truth about you is that you are a magnificent being, a one-of-a-kind phenomenon of spirit...whole perfect and complete...the time has come to stop identifying yourself as weak, helpless, and inadequate, and attracting relationships that reinforce this illusion! 

Spend 5 minutes a day contemplating who you would be if you knew how wonderful you really are.  From this place of self-love, you will be empowered to make choices that reflect your awakened self.  Get ready, Don, a Goddess Queen is on her way!

Dear Goddess,

Every time my husband and I have a disagreement, I become hysterically upset, my thoughts turn to black, and I become extremely depressed and withdrawn.  I realize that a big part of my upset is the fact that I feel heavenly when we agree. Because it feels so great when we are "on the same page", I think we should just be that way all the time, and I become devastated and furious when my relationship fails to meet my expectations. 

I've always thought that the man I marry would be my soul mate, and we would always get along, and our love would grow stronger day by day.  I'm heartbroken that my dream has been shattered.  I love my husband very much and I really don't want to leave him...Yet I really want my dream.  How will I ever know if I can have "the Fairy Tale" if I don't leave my marriage and go look for it elsewhere?  My husband say's I'm being "idealistic". Who's right?  Help?

Stuck Stephanie

Dear Stephanie,

First of all, your problem is not your husband; it is your fierce attachment to your fairytale.  In real life, after the Prince and Cinderella walk hand in hand into the sunset together, the sky becomes dark, night falls, then the sun rises in the east, there are diapers to change, dishes to wash, mortgages to pay, and in the midst of the commotion, Prince Charming and Cinderella are bound to have their disagreements about the way things should be done!  I know that it is painful when the glass slipper breaks, but, for Goddess sake, not even Siamese Twins always see things eye to eye (unless that's where they are conjoined)!

As strange as this may sound, the ingredient that separates successful relationships from those that fail in fulfilling their potential is the ability to be "counter-instinctual".  This does not mean to ignore your instincts, it just simply means to put your "fight/flight/need to be right/cave woman" self in the backseat of your Relationship-Mobile, and let your visionary Goddess self drive the relationship. When your Goddess is in the driver's seat of your Relationship-mobile, you will feel the space around you becoming large enough to contain all aspects of you and your hubby:  the parts that get along, and the parts that don't. 

The key is to spend more time developing your Goddess Queen muscles (compassion, intuition, unconditional love, higher vision), and less time developing your cave woman drama queen muscles, and you will find your reaction to your husband's differences of opinions will be much less severe, and your ability to stay in your "Heavenly" love place will become stronger and longer, and you'll soon realize that your fairytale pales in comparison to the technicolor richness that you and your King share in real life! 

If you have a relationship question or problem you'd like to "Ask the Goddess".   E-mail Goddess@lasplash.com

Kelly Sullivan Walden

Kelly's vision is a world where all people are living as Goddess Queens and Divine Kings in their everyday lives.  For interviews, speaking engagements, private sessions, or information about how you can create your own Goddess Queen Gathering, you may contact Kelly at:  kellygq@aol.com or www.goddessqueen.com

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