Dear Goddess,

My best friend is dating a guy that is really bad news.  Before she met him she used to be so full of life, optimistic, and fun to be around.  But since she's been seeing this guy she's become withdrawn, unsociable, depressed, and she's getting so skinny she's beginning to look anorexic.  He blatantly cheats on her and has the nerve to be possessive of her, to the point where he won't let her spend time with her girlfriends (namely me).  Not to mention the fact that he freaks out if another guy looks at her.  On every level he is slime.  The only thing he has going for him is that he is good looking and knows how to charm the pants off people (namely her).  Oh yes, and to put the icing on the cake, he recently gave her herpes!!! Need I say more? 

This is driving me crazy!!! I don't know what to do.  Every time I try to tell her he is a vampire, that he is sucking the life out of her and that she should dump him ASAP, she shuts down and defends him by saying, 'You just don't understand, he really loves me.'  A part of me feels like giving up and another part of me wants to do an intervention on her because I can't sit by and watch this real life horror movie any longer!  I'm so confused.  What should I do?

Help me Goddess,

Best Friend Felicia

Dear Felicia,

First of all, let me acknowledge you for being such a caring friend.  I get how important your best friend is to you and that you truly want to help her.  There must be some shred of self-love in her to have attracted such a goddess friend as you into her life.

It is never easy to watch someone we love make choices that have painful and destructive consequences.  But what adds insult to injury is the fact that you are seeing this dilemma through human lenses.  However, when you don your Goddess Glasses you will see this situation with the eyes of the divine, which will give you a perspective that will actually serve her and you more powerfully, and make your communication with her more effective. 

Through the lenses of human perception, when you see a train wreck about to happen (or happening), it is natural and logical to want to stop it and/or immediately fix it.  However, through Goddess Glasses, what you will see is a growth opportunity taking place, perhaps a soul lesson that was scheduled long ago.  I know from my own experience that sometimes the greatest soul lessons are the messiest, most disturbing, and often the most humbling.

What might on the surface appear to be the worst thing that could ever happen, upon deeper investigation might prove to be the biggest and greatest growth opportunity she could ever have. This is not to say that she should stay with this vampire forever.  Absolutely not! I would hope that she would stay long enough to learn what her soul signed up for, and then quickly leave the scene of the crime!   

There are women (and men too' let's not leave them out of this equation) that get stuck in destructive relationships and never head the exit signs.  A friend of mine's mother married a horribly abusive man and stayed with him for 45 years.  On her death bed, her parting words to her daughter were, 'Choose carefully who you love.' You might want to impart this story to your friend.

I would dare to assert that your friend has chosen to be with this vampire because he is sinking his teeth into her deepest soul wounds/issues.  In other words, he is really triggering her shadow, for the purpose of it being faced, embraced, erased, and ultimately replaced by what is next and best for her.

What she needs right now, from you, is a compassionate, loving goddess support to assist her through this Valley of the Shadow of Death.  I suggest that you tell her:

"I trust that there is the goddess within you that knows what is highest and best for you.  And as painful as it is for me to see you going through this, I ultimately trust you to trust yourself to know what is best for you.  I am here for you no matter what.  Yes, I have my opinions and if you want to hear them, I will happily share them with you.  But, in the meantime, I will hold you in the light of your highest self, your greatest wisdom and guidance, and I'll hold the vision of you ending up with a great guy because you deserve the best.  No matter how this unfolds, I am here for you and I'll support you in whatever way you need.'

As you give her the dignity of her process, and remind her that you are committed to seeing her as the Goddess she truly is (as opposed to the Drama Queen she is behaving like), she will feel empowered by you rather than defensive in response to being criticized, and will be more apt to call on you when she needs help to gather her strength to leave this relationship. 

Until this happens, you can be an example to her of what an empowered goddess looks like, acts like and feels like by living your best life.  Like they say in Twelve-Step Programs, 'Attraction not promotion.' And as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, 'Your actions speak so loud; I can't hear a word you're saying.'

The Goddess Choices you make in your own life will speak volumes to her and will unconsciously send her the message that she is worthy of holding her head high and being in relationships that exalt not exhaust her life force.   

Remember, there is light at the end of this tunnel, after all, she can't be that far gone if she is wise enough to have a Goddess friend like you. 

 Best of love and luck,

Kelly 'The Goddess' Sullivan Walden

Kelly Sullivan Walden is a Relationship/Dream Coach who began leading Goddess Queen Gatherings after a life-altering encounter with her inner Goddess Queen.  Kelly is the author of 'Discover Your Inner Goddess Queen' an Inspirational Journey from Drama Queen to Goddess Queen', as well as the upcoming '21st Century Dreamer's Dictionary' (Warner Books).  Kelly's vision is a world where all people are living as Goddess Queens and Divine Kings in their everyday lives.  Do you have relationship questions? Ask Kelly how to turn your relationship drama to phenomena.  For interviews, speaking engagements, private sessions, or information about how you can create your own Goddess Queen Gathering, ask Kelly or check out her Goddess Queen Unlimited Website.