Dear Goddess,

I've been in a monogamous relationship for three years.  And although it is a wonderful relationship, I've been noticing myself being attracted to other men.  Although it is fun to flirt, I always feel guilty afterward, because I know my partner would not like it, nor would I like it if the shoe was on the other foot.

Does the fact that I find myself attracted to other men indicate a deficiency in my relationship, or does it show that I am not the 'commitment" type?  I was under the impression that if I was really in love, then I would never have eyes for anyone else.  Is this true?

Flirtatious Fiona



Dear Fiona,

Allow me to set your mind at ease.  Finding yourself attracted to other people, from time to time, signifies that you have a pulse, that you are alive, and that you are human.  However, acting on your attraction by sleeping with someone or pursuing a relationship is a different matter.  But, I don't believe that this is the case with you.

Does simply being attracted to other people from time to time signify a deficiency in your relationship?  Yes and No.  No, because there is no relationship on the planet that will absolutely meet the needs of every aspect of the multifaceted diamond that you are.  So, yes, there is a deficiency in your relationship in that it does not, can not, will not, and should not meet your every need. Does this mean that this deficiency is such that you should leave your relationship?  I would dare say no.   Does your attraction to other hot blooded human beings mean that you are not the 'commitment" type? Not if you don't want it to be.  

You and your partner have built a foundation together over the past three years, so I would venture to say that your relationship probably meets many of your most essential needs.  In fact, your needs may be so well met that they no longer feel like needs. 

We human beings are constantly expanding and reaching for more as we evolve. I would venture to say that the person or people you have found yourself attracted to are people that reflect facets of the diamond of your soul that you have not yet encountered. And this feels wonderful to see and feel these aspects of your own beauty and attractiveness.  This is a gift of which you need not feel ashamed.

From this vantage point, your synergistic, electrifying connection to certain people is not flirting with temptation, but rather, flirting with enlightenment, and is actually extremely healthy in its proper context.  

Consider the saying, 'Don't marry the postman.' If the postman delivers to you a glorious bouquet of red roses, you would smile at him, thank him, tip him, and maybe even hug him.  But, you certainly wouldn't feel compelled to have sex with him or leave your relationship in order to be with him!  It is the same for those special individuals whom you feel a special magnetic charge.  They are messengers that are delivering to you the gift of experiencing your splendor in a unique way.  The attraction you feel is the beauty of the Goddess that is within you reflected by this person, and you would be wise to relish the way this connection makes you feel, smell the roses, and imprint this memory in your mind, heart and soul so that you can recall it long after they are gone' . guilt free!

Remember that it is not a betrayal to your relationship for you to be in a state of heightened aliveness and joyousness as you revel in the realization of how wonderful it is to be the goddess that you are, in all of your multifaceted glory.  In fact it is a gift to your relationship when you show up as fully present, self-actualized, and as enlightened (in your light) as you can possibly be.  In this way you will hold a greater mirror up to reflect more facets of the diamond that is your partner, and the two of you can grow and glow together from glory to greater glory.


Enjoy your wondrous journey,


Kelly "Goddess" Sullivan Walden

photo by Carl Studna

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