As Valentine's Day swiftly approaches I find myself becoming a nervous wreck. My boyfriend, who I've been dating for three years, is quite proud of being anti-romantic: Protesting Christmas and vetoing Valentine's Day! He claims it's all hype
a marketing scam to guilt trip poor men into buying chocolate, flowers, or something (God forbid) with diamonds!!!
Well, opposites attract, and, you guessed it, I am a hopeless romantic, and the thought of being devastatingly disappointed one more time is giving me anxiety attacks. To make matters worse, I really want to get married! Believe it or not, outside of being a jerk in the romance department, he's actually a pretty great guy. Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that if he doesn't propose marriage to me on Valentine's Day, I'm leaving! Maybe then he'll appreciate me and stop taking me for granted!
If he's really that much of a clod that he wouldn't propose to me on this perfect occasion, when he knows how much it would mean to me (and believe me, I've dropped enough hints), then I don't want him! I don't want to live the rest of my life in a romantic wasteland devoid of even the slightest hint of chivalry! Perish the thought!
As rash as it sounds, the thought of leaving him is the only thing that gives me any peace
I feel pretty clear, however, I thought I'd run it by you before I went through with it.
Help me Goddess!
Hold the white horses, girlfriend! Your plan may work
but then again, it may back fire. When a woman puts her foot down and leaves a relationship, after a few days, weeks, even months, the man sometimes begs her back on bended knee. I have girlfriends who have done this with success. However, I also have girlfriends who got the ring, the proposal, and even the marriage, but never got the man. Some men feel emasculated if they don't feel that marriage is their idea
even if they go through with it like a good little boy
he might passive-aggressively resent you forever.
If you really feel clear that you would be willing to leave your relationship and that this is not just a threat, then, when Valentine's Day comes and goes without a twinkle from a diamond, then go for it. However it might assist you in your search for certainty to understand my "Two Movies Theory" (TMT). It goes a little something like this:
Men and women are wired so differently it is as if you and your boyfriend are the hero and heroine of two different movies. You (like most women) are starring in a romantic comedy, think "The Princess Bride
" meets "Pretty Woman
", where the grand finale climaxes in marriage or at least a proposal for marriage. Can't you see Richard Gere sitting on the roof of the white stretch limousine, with flowers, champagne, and of course the ring, and the "I want to be with you the rest of my life
" speech...they drive off into the sunset where they live happily ever after. Our heart swells, we cry, grab for tissues
"Ahhhh, life is good
just the way it's supposed to be!" Not necessarily!
In your movie, the ultimate symbol of love is a marriage proposal. But when you cut to your boyfriend's movie, there's quite a different plot all together.
He (like most men), is the star of an action adventure thriller, think "Star Wars
" meets "Spiderman
". In his movie you are the sexy babe that he hooks up with as a reward for saving the world from nuclear catastrophe. You are the one, at the end of the day, for whom he risks his life. Instead of roses, he brings you blood, sweat, bullet wounds and a world free from evil-doers. Now, that's romantic!
Action Adventure movies rarely end in a wedding! They end with the world being saved (barely), and the romantic couple kissing or making out passionately
The End. In his movie, marriage is a luxury he cannot afford until survival is no longer an issue. Granted, for your man, we might not be talking the survival of the planet
probably more like the survival of his precarious career, or establishing a career that is but a dream.
Once there are no immanent threats, and all is successful on the home front, then the concept of leaving a legacy comes to mind
children that will one day bare his name and tell the tale of their heroic father
you can't have a legacy or children for that matter without a wife! Aha! Now, the light bulb goes on over his head! Now marriage becomes his quest, and the best part, is that it's his idea! This could be the moment you've been waiting for
if you're not too pissed off for having waited so long!
So, have a bit of compassion for your hero. His lack of romance may not be an indication of his lack of love and devotion to you so much as an indication of the precariousness of his finances, status, or place in the world that he is trying desperately to establish for him and, one day, for you! I hope this helps to understand him a little better as you make this important decision.
By the way, since you are such a hopeful romantic (never say hopeless, you don't want that self-fulfilling prophecy), "romance up" February 14th with a couple of Romantic Thrillers. There are a few of these movies that meet your need for romance and his need for adrenaline. I recommend, "True Romance" or "King Arthur". These are movies where the hero and shero save the world and live happily ever after!
Enjoy the movies & Happy Valentine's Day!!!
Kelly Sullivan Walden
photo by Jenn Keller
is a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Human Design Analyst, and Spiritual Counselor who began leading Goddess Queen Gatherings after a life-altering encounter with her inner Goddess Queen. Kelly is the author of "Discover Your Inner Goddess Queen
an Inspirational Journey from Drama Queen to Goddess Queen" (available on www.goddessqueen.com
), as well as the upcoming "21st Century Dreamer's Dictionary"
(Warner Books). Kelly's vision is a world where all people are living as Goddess Queens and Divine Kings in their everyday lives. To turn your relationship drama to phenomena, contact Kelly at firstname.lastname@example.org
. For interviews, speaking engagements, private sessions, or information about how you can create your own Goddess Queen Gathering, contact Kelly at: email@example.com