Shopping for Mr. Right? Turn Off the Blue Light!

Dear Goddess,

I've gone out on two dates with George. He's a nice guy, and very dedicated to building his family business. When I told him I did web design for a living, he asked if I'd reconstruct their business's website. I said yes, send me the information and we will go from there. I've gotten pieces of information, but we haven't talked about payment. How should I approach this? The more attracted I am to a guy, the more likely I am to flip on the Blue Light and give a deep discount' and I find myself increasingly more attracted to him with every passing moment. However, I know I'll be resentful if I build him an entire website for free. It would be different if we were married and building the business together, but so far, we are just shy of date number three.

Thank you in advance for your advice!

Blue Light Betty



Dear Betty,

You are wise to check in and get your bearings before barreling down the aisles of this new relationship with your blue light shining bright. Since you are shopping for Mr. Right and are a naturally giving person, this awkward situation is offering you a plethora of gifts that you didn't bargain for. Sometimes life throws situations unexpectedly into our relationship cart early in a courtship, like the death of a parent, the loss of a job, or, in your case, an opportunity to work together. These situations will either bond or polarize you. In either case, a situation like this will reveal a plethora of information about him and the type of partner he would be.

It sounds to me like the conflict for you exists between the feminine and masculine aspects of your being. Because you are dating, being courted, it is natural that you are more inclined to be in your allowing, feminine energy (as in letting him call you, open doors, pull out chairs, pick up checks' etc.) And you are now, because he's asked you to help him with his business, introducing your masculine, work-oriented aspect of self into the equation.

For many women, their soft, flowing self and their business self live on different planets, not dissimilar to Mars and Venus. You might be fretting that if he sees the strong masculine side of you, then he won't be interested in you, or worse, YOU won't be interested in him.

This is a magnificent moment to realize that either extreme won't work. If you are too much in your feminine energy, you might get taken advantage of and you will feel resentful later. If you are all the way in your masculine energy, then you might arm wrestle him into saying uncle, and poof there goes the romance. But, what you never bargained for is the gift of an opportunity to BLEND these two sides of yourself in an integrated fashion.

Try this: Assess the amount of work that you believe the situation will require. If it looks like what is needed is only a slight tweak that will take you a few minutes to do, then feel free to generously bestow this gift upon him (and his family). However, if it looks like a complete overhaul is due, then tell him the following (take a deep breath, and place your hand over your heart, to remind yourself to come from your heart):

'I would be so happy to redo your website. In fact, I already have a sense of what would be needed to bring it to a more efficient level. (Breathe' smile) But, you know, this is what I do for a living, so we need to talk about what kind of arrangement would work best for both of us. What do you think?' By asking him this question, you empower him to rise to the occasion (or not.) Now your job is to pause and let him speak.

If he is someone who you want to proceed with to date number three, then he will quickly jump in and say, 'Of course I'd want to pay you for your work. Please let me know what that would cost.' At which, point you breath and smile, remaining softly in your body, and tell him that you will e-mail him an estimate. In this case, you not only have a great guy that you are dating, but a new client, and your femininity still in check. Three great gifts for the price of one!

But, if he hems or haws or tries to haggle with you about the price tag, then still you breathe, and you realize that you may have saved yourself the drama of getting involved with a guy that cannot meet you on the level of respect that you require in a partner' in only two dates' not bad!

Remember to root yourself in the awareness of your inner goddess' the place within you that knows that you are valuable and worthy of all good and wonderful things' including a partnership that meets you in the highest place of mutual respect and honoring. Also, take note that there is nothing wrong with being generous. In fact, when in doubt, BE generous. My personal philosophy is that it is better to give a bit too much than to hold back' because it all comes back to you anyway. But, because of your history (herstory) of giving too much, you want to make sure that you are being discerning enough to realize whether or not your giving nature is being honored.

Allow your mantra to be, 'The truth shall set me free'.

Remove any expectation (as much as you possibly can) about how you think he should respond, and simply observe the truth as it reveals itself. As if you were window shopping' not getting too invested in what he does or doesn't do, until you've really tried him on in this wonderfully revealing situation, to see if he truly fits or not.

And if he does, you can turn you blue light to a red light, because there is nothing more passionate and sexy than the giving and receiving of two souls that are truly honoring each other.

Best of love and luck,

Kelly

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Photo by John Graff

Kelly 'the Goddess' Sullivan Walden is a Relationship/Dream Coach who began leading Goddess Queen Gatherings after a life-altering encounter with her inner Goddess Queen.  Kelly is the author of 'Discover Your Inner Goddess Queen' an Inspirational Journey from Drama Queen to Goddess Queen', as well as the upcoming 'I Had the Strangest Dream!  The 21st Century Dreamer's Dictionary' (Warner Books).  Kelly's vision is a world where all people are living as Goddess Queens and Divine Kings in their everyday lives.  Do you have relationship questions? Ask Kelly how to turn your relationship drama to phenomena.  For interviews, speaking engagements, private sessions, or information about how you can create your own Goddess Queen Gathering, ask Kelly or check out her Goddess Queen Unlimited Website.

 

 

 

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