My best friend is dating a guy that is really bad news. Before she met him she used to be so full of life, optimistic, and fun to be around. But since she's been seeing this guy she's become withdrawn, unsociable, depressed, and she's getting so skinny she's beginning to look anorexic. He blatantly cheats on her and has the nerve to be possessive of her, to the point where he won't let her spend time with her girlfriends (namely me). Not to mention the fact that he freaks out if another guy looks at her. On every level he is slime. The only thing he has going for him is that he is good looking and knows how to charm the pants off people (namely her). Oh yes, and to put the icing on the cake, he recently gave her herpes!!! Need I say more?
This is driving me crazy!!! I don't know what to do. Every time I try to tell her he is a vampire, that he is sucking the life out of her and that she should dump him ASAP, she shuts down and defends him by saying, 'You just don't understand, he really loves me.' A part of me feels like giving up and another part of me wants to do an intervention on her because I can't sit by and watch this real life horror movie any longer! I'm so confused. What should I do?
Help me Goddess,
Best Friend Felicia
First of all, let me acknowledge you for being such a caring friend. I get how important your best friend is to you and that you truly want to help her. There must be some shred of self-love in her to have attracted such a goddess friend as you into her life.
It is never easy to watch someone we love make choices that have painful and destructive consequences. But what adds insult to injury is the fact that you are seeing this dilemma through human lenses. However, when you don your Goddess Glasses you will see this situation with the eyes of the divine, which will give you a perspective that will actually serve her and you more powerfully, and make your communication with her more effective.
What might on the surface appear to be the worst thing that could ever happen, upon deeper investigation might prove to be the biggest and greatest growth opportunity she could ever have. This is not to say that she should stay with this vampire forever. Absolutely not! I would hope that she would stay long enough to learn what her soul signed up for, and then quickly leave the scene of the crime!
"I trust that there is the goddess within you that knows what is highest and best for you. And as painful as it is for me to see you going through this, I ultimately trust you to trust yourself to know what is best for you. I am here for you no matter what. Yes, I have my opinions and if you want to hear them, I will happily share them with you. But, in the meantime, I will hold you in the light of your highest self, your greatest wisdom and guidance, and I'll hold the vision of you ending up with a great guy because you deserve the best. No matter how this unfolds, I am here for you and I'll support you in whatever way you need.'
As you give her the dignity of her process, and remind her that you are committed to seeing her as the Goddess she truly is (as opposed to the Drama Queen she is behaving like), she will feel empowered by you rather than defensive in response to being criticized, and will be more apt to call on you when she needs help to gather her strength to leave this relationship.
The Goddess Choices you make in your own life will speak volumes to her and will unconsciously send her the message that she is worthy of holding her head high and being in relationships that exalt not exhaust her life force.
Remember, there is light at the end of this tunnel, after all, she can't be that far gone if she is wise enough to have a Goddess friend like you.
Best of love and luck,
Kelly 'The Goddess' Sullivan Walden