Creating Space For Romance

The good news is the Holiday Season is just around the corner.  The bad news is the Holiday Season is around the corner--and the last time you had any hint of a romance in your life, or even a date--was back in spring of…you don't even want to think about it.

So what can you do this festive season to set yourself on the path to romance?
You can make sure you have space for it. Unfortunately, saying you want romance in your life is much different than actually being in the place to accept it.  But my social calendar is totally clear, you sigh, looking at your Palm Pilot.  Maybe it is, but there are other ways you can be blocking the possibility of romance from your life and not even know it. 

The space you need to have cleaned out to allow a new person in your life is a triangle of the mental, emotional and physical.  If even one of these areas is blocked up, filled with clutter in any way, your chances of meeting someone and having it bloom into something wonderful is greatly diminished.

The Mental
You may be the sort of person who likes the idea of romance more than the reality of actually having to deal with another human being in an intimate way.  We all have our own wants and needs, and the reality is they don't line up exactly with the wants and needs of other people.  While we deal pretty well with this at the office, even though we grumble about it, when it comes to romance there are those who feel that things should really be in sync.  This is a nice fantasy, but it's only that.  Is it possible that you're expecting the impossible from possible romantic partners?  Are you looking for a mind reader and a twin rather than someone to enjoy your life with?

The Emotional
Almost all of us, at one time or another, have been in love with someone who's still in love with someone else.  That's the obvious emotional skeleton in someone's closet, but there are other ways to be hung up emotionally as well.  Anything about anyone you've been emotionally tied to in the past (whether you had an actual physical relationship or not) that keeps you thinking of them daily, or even weekly, is an emotional skeleton that's hogging up the space of a new person.  It doesn't matter if they were a sinner or a saint, whether they were a spouse, a lover, someone you only had a crush on, or even someone you never met in person but wrote to for months on the internet…if you think about them often, you're not really ready for someone new.  It's a simple as that. 

It's hard to let the past go.  Sometimes it feels like it's impossible…but whenever you think you just can't do it, and find yourself falling back into your old pattern of reminiscing, put the shoe on the other foot.  How would you feel if you met a great new person only to find out they were spending a majority of their time thinking about someone else?  By keeping a foot in the emotional past you keep yourself in emotional limbo.  Wouldn't you rather have an emotional future?

The Physical
Unless you never plan on bringing your new romance home it's a wise idea to make sure there's actually space for another person to visit your place…not necessarily to move in, but enough so they feel comfortable when they come for a visit. 

If your closet is so crammed full of clothes you've been collecting since high school that you can't hang anything up, if your bathroom is so filled with beauty products that another person couldn't leave a toothbrush (let alone a few personal grooming items), then you're proclaiming to the universe (and to any date that shows up at your door) that you're not really interested in anyone else spending time in your abode.

If instead it's your business, social, or familial calendar the same rule applies.  How can you possibly be in the place to find a date if you're never in a place to meet someone new?  If you work late almost every night, if you have your weekends filled with movies with the friends and family dinners, then you're not serious about being available to someone new.  Again it's that simple. 

If you're serious about meeting someone then at least a few nights a month, or even one night a week, need to be dedicated to that pursuit.  Now, this doesn't mean you need to spend your time out at bars, but it does mean you need to spend time dedicated to creating romance in your life.  This could mean you start doing that sport/hobby etc. that you've been meaning to do for years in a way that gets you out meeting new people regularly.  It means you could join a singles organization that is dedicated to gourmet cooking, traveling, hiking, or religious discussion, the choice is up to you, what's important is that you get out there and create a space for a new person to come in.

The good news is the Holiday Season is just around the corner, and you still have time to create the space for romance to be a part of it.

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