Afraid Your Man Will Disappoint on Valentine's Day?

Ladies, we all know the drill.  We drop subtle and not-so-subtle hints about what we crave for Valentine's Day.  'Mmmmm, I love chocolate, especially Godiva.  It's just heavenly!' And, 'My girlfriend Sarah, she just got the most beautiful pearl necklace yesterday from her boyfriend.  All the girls were just swooning over it.'

We also know the fears.  Will he make this Valentine's special this year?  If not, does that symbolize his feelings for me' or lack thereof?  Will we get the passion back for this special night?  Will he tell me I'm beautiful' will I be beautiful?? 

Lastly, we know the excuses.  Hectic work schedules, family life or social duties.  Too many years together.  Or he's just not the romantic type.

Well now let's look at some exciting facts:

Fact #1. There are no laws stating we ladies can't take the reigns and design the Valentine's Day WE want.

Fact #2. When we show someone we believe they feel a certain way, we often create that feeling inside them, i.e. when someone says, 'You are such a sexy little vixen' ' the comment alone can be enough to get that libido engine revving because someone thinks you're sexy (you can do the same to your man)!

Fact #3. Our men, for the most part, whether they admit it or not, get just as stressed and fearful of Valentine's Day as we do.  They just weren't raised with all the romantic indoctrination we were.  This leads us to the most important fact'

Fact #4. The most effective way to communicate what you want, and to get it, is: Show.  Don't tell.    Your man will be most open to fulfilling your sensual and romantic needs if you show him through your own actions just how good it feels, and you show him you're willing to do it for him first.

This doesn't mean you're giving in or selling out.  It also doesn't mean your man gets a free ride. 

Follow my Guide to Sizzling V-Day Bliss outlined below, and I assure you, your man will naturally return the lavish attention with fervor - and he'll think it was his idea! 

Jaime's Guide to Sizzling V-Day Bliss

Step 1. Discover What Your Perfect Valentine's Day Is.
This first step is crucial.  And think in terms of experiences, events, and activities.  Don't concentrate on stagnant 10 minute celebration gifts like roses and chocolates.  Those can be included, but concentrate on visualizing an experience that would get the fire blazing between you both.  Most importantly, concentrate on items and activities within your sphere of influence' instead of fantasizing about actions he would take, things he would say, emotions he would feel, or gifts he would give, turn all those thoughts back to yourself and imagine what you want to say, do, feel, and give that would excite and entertain you.

Brainstorm all your thoughts on paper so you can keep track of it all.  Then get it down to a concise and detailed description of the type of Valentine's Day you want.

Example of Step 1: I personally love scavenger hunts.  And several months ago, when I mentioned this to my beau, he agreed they would be fun.  He's always wanted to go on one.  So my visualization of an enticing, sizzling Valentine's Day would be to send him on a scavenger hunt all over town, collecting hints of the delights to come as well as gifts for us to make the most of those delights.  The scavenger hunt will begin with a phone call from me explaining that an envelope awaits him outside, hidden in the shrubbery in front of his house.  Contained therein will be a saucy riddle just oozing with fun innuendos.  The point is to get his blood racing.  Men love the hunt!  I want him to wonder, 'Just what will I get?'  Plus, now I've just thrust mystery back into our relationship.

I also realized in visualizing my perfect V-Day that I haven't had time to pamper myself.  So before the special evening, I've scheduled a massage, manicure and pedicure.  We often forget that giving gifts to ourselves is just as important as giving to others.

This is where Step 2 comes in'

Step 2. Make Yourself Feel Sexy.
I don't want to hear you complain about the 10/20/100 pounds you have to lose, or the lack of free time to take care of yourself, or any other excuses for why you can't feel sexy. 

Every woman is inherently sexy. 

If you don't already feel this way about yourself, it will be darn near impossible for your man to make you feel this way.  BUT, I can almost guarantee you, if you feel sexy, your man can't help but see you as sexy too.  We women are far harder on ourselves than any decent man could be, and I trust you wouldn't be with your beau if he weren't a decent man.

Example of Step 2: Recently, I've been obsessing over my weight.  I know this stress all too well, always reminiscing about the good ol' days when I fit in a size four.  Yeah' I'm lucky if I can get that pair of pants on half of one leg!  But I came to a realization recently, while making love to my boyfriend, that he doesn't care about or even notice the few extra rolls or pounds.  And when we're in the heat of the moment, neither do I!

But don't worry' I know that letting go of such worries isn't easy.  Every time a scrap of clothing comes off, I catch myself wondering, 'Uh oh, I hope he doesn't think I'm ugly.'  So I decided along with the pampering of a massage and manicure/pedicure, that I'd treat myself to some much deserved lingerie this V-Day.  And you can guess where I'll be donning it.

Now, my personal taste is the burlesque-style corset with garter belts and thigh high stockings.  I found some gorgeous selections on

All you have to do to discover your vixen's wake-up call is to think back to what activities, clothing, music, atmosphere, etc. has made you feel sexy in the past.  This can't be another's compliments of you or anything outside of your control.  Such comments will come naturally.  So treat yourself!

Step 3. Consider What Would Knock HIS Socks Off.
Ask yourself what your man's passions are; his fantasies.  If you're daring, consider something he's always wanted to experience that you two have never done.  Don't you dare do anything you absolutely don't want to do!  Simply consider those activities you're interested in, but maybe haven't let yourself experience yet.

Example of Step 3: For my beau, I knew that a bit of sexy talk in a restaurant would be just the thing to get him in the mood later' but during most of our relationship, I've been too nervous to get so personal and sexually explicit (verbally) in public.  However, the vixen in me could surely muster it up, and I plan to slip several explicit innuendos his way during dinner.

Step 4. Put it All Together
Once you know exactly what you want to experience on your special Valentine's Day, and you know how to get yourself in that sexy, beautiful mood to completely knock his socks off, all you have to do is plan the day and have it!  Make sure if it includes dinners, hotel, massages, manicures, or anything else you need an appointment for, that you get reservations as far in advance as possible.  We have dozens of great ideas for you here on LA Splash here [Jane, can you link this to your article that goes over all the great v day stuff, chocolates, hotels, etc.?]

Also, don't hesitate to ask friends for assistance.  Be creative, have fun, and try not to let planning the details stress you out. 

To get the most out of your Valentine's Day, break it up over the course of the day, perhaps leaving your man some time alone so that if he feels suddenly moved to do something for you, he'll have time to do so without feeling pressure.  I am scheduling this time into the scavenger hunt, where my man will have an hour before he has to be at the next location after he gets his first gift from me.  This is a subtle hint that could inspire him to get me a gift, without outright asking for it or making him feel pressured to do so.

Also, don't be upset if your man doesn't return your lavish attention and giving attitude right away.  Give simply for the joy of it, and eventually he'll be sure to do the same.  Sometimes a man just needs some time to digest the experience and make sure that he's returning the favor on his own timetable.

So have fun and enjoy your Valentine's Day.  It'll be a blast, I'm sure!


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