Pieces (of ass) a Review

PIECES (of crass)


It is an off-Broadway hit and now makes its appearance in Los Angeles.   Entitled PIECES (of ass), the play features eleven 'beautiful' women who parade in front of the audience in order to describe the ordeal of, well' being 'beautiful.' 

It is the latest entry in pop culture Americana, the latest variation on 'The Vagina Monologues,' in which the word, 'f_ck' is uttered by virtually every female performer, with enough frequency to suggest that, possibly, in its original incarnation, the play might have been entitled, well' .F_ck!   However, one would imagine that the word 'ass' is a more politically acceptable word for advertising purposes.


Each 'beautiful' female wanders upon a stark stage and performs a confessional of sort, in the manner of an improv acting class, in which the teacher assigns roles to each actress and demands an appropriate, relevant, performance.   In fact, director Brian Howie, who created VH1's 'Celebrity Karaoke Cabaret,' stages the performances in the manner of an audition, in which the audience is the director, and each woman attempts to outshine the other with woeful tales of life as a sex object.

In that vein, the audience is treated to a variety of stereotypical female roles, including a trophy girlfriend; blonde bimbo nurse; promiscuous black girl; lesbian cheerleader; surly French girl; nervous stripper; defiant Plus Size model; and anorexic groupie.

It should surprise nobody that this play is an American hit:  in a pop culture that seems to be obsessed with the lowbrow, the flippant, and the expedient, yet another theatrical offering emerges which revels in the endless discussions of body parts, intercourse, and other tawdry topics that have been long time favorites of the sorority/fraternity kids who skipped out on History and Literature classes in order to drink beer and, well' .f_ck in the school parking lot.     It is yet another cute, amusing piece of fluff that is cotton candy junk food for the mind, backed by hip-hop sonic beats,  in a culture that is drowning in the lowest common denominator entertainment simply because, well' most people today live for a good f_ck.


Nevertheless, for those who love this kind of populist, bathroom-humor, genre, they can be assured that PIECES provides many obscene laughs' and there are enough 'beautiful' scantily clad 'babes' to make any horny fellow and/or lusty lesbian a happy camper.   Be content in knowing that the superabundance of American internet porn lovers will NOT go home dissatisfied.

Special kudos must go to Erin Stutland, whose lesbian revelations are served in an enthralling metrosexual manner;  Ivory May, whose Plus-Size seductive aura proves that genuine 'beauty' is never limited by extra pounds;  and Catherine Hickland,  who validates that age (49 years in her case) can beautify the soul,  even as the skin wrinkles.  On the other hand, Danielle James manic french girl could probably be excised without the audience suffering any notable remorse since her gibberish, clown act is more befitting a circus than a play.


Look for some bright, entrepreneurial male to conceive someday a corollary to PIECES (of ass), one that depicts the male dilemma whereby women focus upon a man's material endowments rather than his inner substance.    PIECES (of wallet) would be the most appropriate title, wherein a litany of wealthy men parade before the audience and confess to the horrors and pains endured at the hands of mercenary women who objectify them as 'living breathing wallets' and nothing more.

Of course, since most wealthy men are NOT 'beautiful,' as defined by the Madison Avenue-Playboy/Playgirl-Victoria Secret/GQ-MTV/VH1-Sunset Blvd Billboard brainwashing machine, then such a theatrical concoction might not pass the imperative 'T & A/ hard pecs & ripped abs' litmus test for commercial viability.

And as they like to say in Hollywood aka Rapper-Town, 'If it don't get you hot, it don't get bought!'

PIECES (of Ass) is now playing at the ROXY THEATER, 9009 W. Sunset Blvd (between San Vicente & Doheny) in West Hollywood,  from Dec. 6 until December 8. Performances 8PM.

Ticketmaster (213) 365-3500  Theater Boxoffice (310) 278-9457  www.piecesofass.com
$20 Gen Admission (standing) $25 Gen Admission (seated) $50-$500 for VIP ticket

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