Greetings to my readers, you are all great. I received and still continue to receive all of your wonderful emails. Thanks for your kind words. I would love to respond to each and every one of you but it will take me weeks, so I decided to share some of my poems as a gift to you from me. My life so far has been filled with a lot of excitement, unexpected surprises and has proven to be very awarding amidst of all of that it’s also been a very tough fight. Personally for me, I think life is a book filled with contradiction that keeps us grounded, confused and most of all trapped, and even when free, side effects never let us rest. The poems below are not all my own experience but sometimes taken from another’s journey that inspires me to write. A few poems are from emotions I went through and some are from other peoples emotions mixed into mine. You are free to make your own interpretation.

people often freeze when they see ME lol

         Fool
I’ll be the clown
but never the fool
you can laugh now
I have no interest
in making you cry later
you can have the last laugh too
it's enough for me to know
my presence alters your ego
you can try your best to expose
all the things I don't reveal
as we both know
we are each fighting our own battle
your wrong thoughts of me
are a reflection of your disguise
you think I can't see
just in case you forgot
you gave me a ticket
to sit front row
to your Manage a'Trois quarrel
1st opponent your mind
2nd opponent your ego
3rd opponent yourself
first round goes to the ego
second round yourself is eliminated
it's a tie between ego and mind
third round yourself wins it
I guess I was the reason you lost, forfeit and won
thanks for the entertainment you crying fool
Yes this clown won all three rounds

         Glory
you stand in all your glory
eliminate me from your story
but without my hands
you couldn't spread all the fiction
that make people pay attention
to the nobody
everybody knows you to be
I am just one of your pawns in your chess game
but there can only be one winner
so after your glory days are over
and there is no more story telling
you will be doing all the reading
on how I master my own fame

my sexy cousin Linda and I in london, with Big Ben keeping track of our time!

        Stolen
We were young
and out of control
we planed and plotted
got caught and rebelled
what we had was pure
together we found all that we lost
now we are in-between a war
that has nothing to do with what we hold
but are forced to let it all go
and to think we thought we live for ourselves
but it's safe to say no matter who we meet
in the rest of our life journey
they will never come close
to finding what was stolen
only we have the original piece
I miss you most in my happy times of despair 

     My Role
I don't make something
Out of nothing
I make nothing
Turn into something
For in life
There is nothing but this moment
I drop my ego
Forget my past
And make sure
Not to fantasize of my future
When all we know
Is forever going to be uncertain
I won’t write a mind script of your actions
When all I am doing is role playing
I make you my lead
And pretend I have an understudy
For the days I won't be playing
ACT 1
Places-Mind-Action
CUT:
You are not following my direction
Give me more and I will decide how much you should lessen of your expression
ACT 2
Places-Body-Action
CUT:
You are giving me too much tension
Relax and release into transition
Of how my body is positioned
ACT 3
Places-Hearts-Action
CUT:
How dare you question what I am feeling?
I am standing right here with you
Watching you miss every one of your ques
I am taking a different action
I am turning it into an improv
I will expose the truth
All while I am still acting
And remember there is no questioning the director
ACT OVER

role playing as Al Pacino, scar face anyone?

      Myself
All by myself
Telling everyone to stop
Reflecting their insecurities onto me
Nobody completes me
Even when I am incomplete
I won’t lie there are days I long to share intimacy
But then they turn into weeks of constant liberty
I have no worries of being me
I do what I want
I meet who I want
And play with who I want
Maybe it’s not steady for you
But you have no right to study me
I learn only from me
And let who I want to teach me
And decide if I want to research
Any homework they are expecting from me
I divide my time to always be equal to me
For there will never come a day that you will hear me say
I regret everything I dared to do
When in fact we are responsible
For the tricks we fall into
You can laugh at me
But I won’t disguise your truth
Keep your sympathy
For you are to caught up in a fantasy
That I will never dream of living

in the Caribbean

          Mystery
I don’t understand
But I am not confused
I listen to your point of view
That clears my view
But gives me blurry vision
Your actions and words
Don’t imply with what I am saying
But it does make sense
Even though it interrupts our intention
We both still try to convey
Each others perception leaving no clue
Of our mystery

Carlene to my right, Linda to my left, and I am always in the middle! lol

        Full circle
After all my walking
Round and round
One big circle
Thinking I changed my direction
When it was just a hill that
Altered my determination
Walking down full speed around
Neglecting my intention
Still reflecting on my conflicted path
Stuck on never changing
Walking up walking down
Going from my side
To your side
To the other side
Then stuck again in the middle
Of no side
Still walking
As time goes faster
Slowly I realize
Life is a cycle
That will come full circle
And whatever is left is up to you to recycle

       Mistaken
I sit
And I am unconstricted
Causing you to become conflicted
I have no idea to what the heck you are thinking
I sure as hell can resist
Your confused assumptions
I am not maturing into your child like actions
But I am saddend that you are preventing
You’re misunderstanding to continue
Understanding onto why you are mistaken
I don’t need an apology
I just hope you can accept your analogy

Vanessa Willams and I in D.C. for the world premiere of my brother the film

          Dirty dance
I am looking for all the guilty ladies
To meet me on the dance floor
So I can fulfill their innocent desires
I am going to dirty dance for you
I am going to grab your waste for you
I am going to drop my pants for you
I am going to let you touch it
I am going to let you handle your motion
So you can taste my salty sweet flavor
I am looking for all
Single married frustrated ladies
So I can push my no limits on you
And you can tell me off
As you lay on your stomach for me
I am going to lay on your back for you
I am going to turn your world upside down for you
I am going to try every position for you
I am going to keep on going and going
Until you expire for me
I am looking for all you sexy ladies
To take my dirty dance away from me
I am going to let you wrap your legs
Around my waist for me and you can
Shake your hips for me
Stick your nails down my sweaty back for me
And when we are done you can rock the dance floor with me

Rita and I sailing on my sister's boat in the Hudson Riviera

     Lust wins over Love
I am in love
Unexpectedly fell in lust with a stranger
Now I am in-between love and lust
My love makes me smile
And acquires all that I inquire
My lust heats my passion with all that I desire
I walk with my love and my feet don’t move
I stand next to my lust and the ground is shaking
Everything is broken
My heart and desire
Are close but distant
I look at my love and taste my desire
Why is this happening?
I guess this is a test
But one I don’t think I can pass
Love is unconditional and will have to forgive me
I am going to be selfish and soak up every last
Drop of my lusting desire

I see you starring

the eyes tell you everything

    Dirty lover
I said                                                                                          
You said                                                                                
We said I love you                                                   
I thought                                
You thought                           
You and I forever                   
Time passed                         
You changed                         
I cry                                        
You found another lover       
I said                                                        
You said                                                      
We said I love you                                   
You lied
He lied
Hurting me together
Now you are with your puppet
That sits that stands and smiles
I command on my own demands
Sorry I am not the fool you thought
You are caught and stuck
Holding his hand
I know
You know
We can’t stand each other
Don’t think you’re safe
Because it’s over
You thought
You can take the best of me
And leave
Pull the plug DJ
Let me break it down for you senorita
You begged my friends
To trick me into meeting you
I should have known from the beginning
Your drama filled facade blinded me for a moment
You can keep running
And as you look back
You won’t see me coming

You know you want the tie I am wearing!

          Poison
Every fool misses the desire
You can blaze the rhythm
And embrace their poetry
Yet in secret proclaim their poison
Laugh trust listen after sex
Question the sad smile you devour
As you kiss dark velvet clouds shadow you presence

       Chase
I said it
But didn’t tell you
I meant it
But didn’t feel it
You accepted
But I blocked it
I showed you
And of course you redirected it
You blamed me
I brought you flowers
You caught me
But I am still hiding
I was talking
And you couldn’t stop laughing
I started running
You kept walking
You got to where I was going
Before me
I found you crying
I turned away and smiled
You jumped from behind me
I fell to the ground
Then looked up at you
Standing in front of me
Your eyes tell me
This chase
Will last for eternity
          
           Where
I am walking, gone still going
Where, everywhere, but still nowhere
The rain is falling drying my hair
The wind is not blowing
I am still running to the end of nowhere
I am here, where the hell was I going

laid back with my mind on my money

         No Answer
Silent sounds capture my attention
As I turn around
I find you standing in front of me
You direct me to where you are going
I walk with you knowing it’s the wrong direction
I listen to your voice and open my mouth
For you have taken all my words from me
I am stuck wondering what are you thinking
When I touch you
Your eyes empower my actions
Now that I am holding you closer
Something tells me it’s over
I let time pass
And I am still waiting
I have to face it
I may never have an answer
The time we shared together
From our present to our short future
Is a long passed memory that you seem
Not to reflect on
But I just can’t except that I meant nothing
In the middle of our heated passion
You did say you love the way I kiss
When you love something you seek to know
Where it is
My guess is you have always had someone
And the moment you settled you found me
I remember the look in your eyes
When you grabbed me and held me tender
Conflicted in your mind
You found a way for me to have you
And planned the way you would lose me
And blame me for your hidden sad smile
Of what you wanted from me
I lie in bed alone
Knowing my presence still lingers
As you embrace him your passion is filled with anger
Wishing it was me in-between your sheets

           Liar
Stand there and listen its over
No! Stop those contaminated lips from moving
I can't stand you
Every breath you exhale is like fire
Burning my innocents you have stolen
You fake lover
Soaking in pleasure
With your twisted delusions
On how me and you should stay together
Do you think you can dictate another story?
You made me second guess my intelligence
You are wise but stupid
Now look at me
Looking at you
See my eyes
Feel my desire
Stand closer
Kiss me and taste my soul
May GOD have mercy on you?
For you and I were never meat to walk on water.

            Truly feel
Anger fills my body
My pounding heart is coming to a stop
Words throw around from me to you, you to me
Meant to aim at each others hearts
So we can suffer in regret
Round and round we go
Adding wounds to our scars
Maybe it’s me
Maybe it's you
Maybe its us together that feeds the seed
To grow into our deviled actions dressed in disguise
For you and I not to see
My heart has stopped
My face is blue my emotions are still
My feelings are numb
But my eyes can still see
Everything that as been revealed
Doesn’t change how we truly feel

I purposely took this picture to look like a fool. Pay close attention to the last poem

           Time for change
Walking
A baby takes their first step
Walking sacred and brave
Starting the journey of life
NO... You can't do that
NO... No...
You can't do that either
I don't understand
Why when I do what I feel
I am wrong?
Because you are not suppose to do what you do
Don't get smart with me go to your room.
Walking
Walking into my room
Sitting feeling trapped
But what did I do
Why can't daddy explain his truth?
Walking
Walking to school
Hey you
Who me?
I said you
Oh my name
I don't care what your name is
This is what I want you to do
BUT
NO BUT
Walking
Walking home
Hi honey how was school?
Mommy I just want to stay in my room
Sitting
Sitting in my room
Thinking daddy said
I am not suppose to do what I do
Thinking remembering his words
You do what I tell you to do
And always listen to those that are older
Conflicted and confused
Scared to be abused
I guess he is right
Tomorrow before school
I will walk to the corner and wait
Waiting
I guess this is him
He is the only one dress in black
This is for you
Thanks little guy
Here is a dollar for your trouble
He walks away
Leaving a dollar in my hand
I turn away
I turn away from all my dreams
Walking
Walking to the next corner
Standing taller
My pockets are fatter
Walking
Walking to the next corner
Walking
Walking away with a high school diploma
Forget college
I found my career
A professional street pharmacist
I have nothing to fear
Walking
Walking to the next corner
It’s cold today
There goes my client
Hey bro, I put it under the tire
Thanks bro
You are under arrest
Under arrest
Running
Running passing all the corners
Hiding
Hiding in my room
What am I going to do?
The phone rings
Mom calm down
What happened?
What!
Grandpa is in a coma
Walking
Walking to the hospital
There I see my grandpa
Dead but living
Mom what happen?
The cops were chasing some drug dealer
Grandpa got hit crossing the corner
Standing still
My whole insides are moving
Why
Why did I do what I did?
I'm not suppose to do what I do
GOD please help me
Sitting
Sitting by my grandpa
Holding his innocent hand
Grandpa I am sorry
Sorry
Standing
Standing looking out into the dark sky
I see a light shine through the window
I turn and look at my grandpa
His eyes open
Grandpa
Take my hand son
Look into my eyes
See me son
See me?
I am a sin
Walking the path of life
Impeccable you and I will never be
In time your mistakes can turn into trophies
Don’t be scared to be brave
Be scared to never change!

I think the biggest mistake in life is to stay conditioned, it’s only my point of view. In my experience I have learned the only way to grow is to face your fears and then realize there was nothing to fear because worrying is useless in your time of despair.

I hope you all enjoyed my poems. I thank you for your time.

A very special thanks to: my sister Rana (aka wonder woman) for passing down her confident and courageous traits. My brothers: Zeid, Kusay & John (aka Moe Larry and Curly) you have to be the funniest guys on earth. From your favorite bro, the orginal clown Charlie Chapplin. My favorite cousin Linda (aka Bonnie) I am forever your Clyde. Tony, Jane & Rita, the best sis-in-laws and bro-in-law I could wish for. Carlene (aka Weezy) we are moving on up we finally got a piece of the pie - your one and only George. My nieces and nephews, you keep me strong and are the reason I look forward to tomorrow. Mom and Dad you are the best in the world.

RIP: Ellen Besserman (miss you and love you)

LOVE YOU ALL.

David Rabadi
Contact: fashionicon1979@yahoo.comfashionicon1979@yahoo.com

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