I just heard you on the radio this morning. You spoke to an individual and told her that she always wears her heart on her sleeve, and does this so soon after she gets into a new relationship that she begins to chase the guy away almost immediately. I too do the same thing and have ruined a lot of potentially good relationships because of it.
I thought I changed this pattern because I had gone to a therapist about it and I've read at least eleven or twelve books on this topic, some of them several times. I didn't think I would ever tell someone again that I loved him after only a few dates. Then I heard you this morning talking to a woman named Brenda about her relationship. What you said to her hit home with me also, and I started to cry. She didn't even realize that she was still telling men about her feelings too soon after she met them. I'm still crying right now while I'm writing this to you. But I'm really not all that depressed, and I'm even thinking that this crying might be a good thing because all of sudden I am starting to feel something really different about myself. That not just me, but everyone has so many needs and wants on so many levels, that none of us know how to get in touch with all of them, especially at any one time. And we have such a hard time making sense of it that we keep doing irrational things. What I grasped onto most about what you said to her was to keep persevering, and then keep persevering some more (I like the way you use so much humor about it. It made me laugh)! If we keep on trying to work through issues, eventually we will end up getting over where we used to be.
After I had worked with this lady therapist for about eight months, I met someone named Ryan who I thought was being given to me by God as a sort of blessing, because I had worked so hard and so much on all my issues concerning relationships. But now I realize I probably have to work on so much more stuff about love and relationships that I'm feeling overwhelmed, despite what I mentioned up above. Part of me feels that I will never, ever, be able to finally have true romance in my life. It makes me afraid that the people I meet will only make me have more issues to work through, and that no one will ever be the final one. I'm trying to keep working on believing that somewhere down the line I will have true love, but right now I don't feel that there is any hope for me to ever be without any problems about relationships, or to ever find one where I'll be totally loved, and can love someone back in a deep, intimate way.
Here is what happened to me and Ryan. I still love this man very much but have given up any hope that we can ever have the kind of relationship we used to always talk about. I started dating him back in October of 2004. We met at a rock concert and things flourished immediately with each other. We interacted so well together, that I thought I had finally found my soul mate. I believed this all the way up until last November, when our relationship took a major downturn. It's been going downhill so much since then that I'm not sure if we'll ever be able to salvage it.
Back in November Ryan was served some papers by our local Sheriff. The papers stated that he is the father of twins born on November 19, 2004 to someone named Julie. She lives in a small town about 65 miles north of here. I know that back at the beginning of that year that Ryan did date her, and he even admits that he was thinking about being in a long term relationship with her. But somewhere around May he and this Julie had a big, horrible fight. Ryan told me that she kept screeching at him that the relationship was over and she never wanted to see him again.
Victoria, it's obvious that she knew then that she was pregnant. I believe him when he tells me that he had no idea about the pregnancy, and that he had nothing to do with her again until he got served those papers. And because she was so terrible to him back when they split up, he doesn't want to have anything to do with any of them, ever.
I am now struggling big time with this situation, since we are both in our 40's (I'm 43). I'm worried about the long term obligations of child support that he might have to deal with until he is something like 60 years old. What about retirement, our quality of life together--those kinds of things? And, if we do get married will I have to pay for some of the expenses that might crop up with those kids over the next several years?
My big question for you is what is meant for our relationship? Are we supposed to get back together? If we do, am I supposed to help bring up his twins, just because he's their biological father? I'm so angry about all of this.
Cathy Brooks, realtor
I understand completely everything you've brought up. What a shock it was for you to finally meet someone who you innately knew would be good for you, someone you could trust, and who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with--and then find out that there would be such lifelong, complicated ramifications to the relationship.
Firstly, I want you to give yourself some credit for the fact that you've learned more than you think you have, have gotten over a bit more than you think you have, and--are more intuitive than you think you are! Another way of stating these beliefs is: you, never moving forward, ever; but it is largely just the old 'two steps forward, four back' !' Which we all go through, by the way, and with every single one of our issues!
Also, some of what you are blaming yourself for (and you are) is actually your intuition speaking up. On many, many levels you are in the process of reviewing with your Spirit Guides every aspect of this entire situation. There is a part of you which doesn't allow you to attract or keep the very best in life: it has to do with being able to receive in life; another way of saying this is that it is an issue related to what you believe you deserve.
Cathy, everyone has many issues to work on in life. That's one of the reasons we keep coming back to earth! One of the very most challenging arenas to work on for us all is that of romantic relationships. Once we're affected in a romantic and heartfelt way all caution, logic, reason and making sense of things fly out the window! I'm not downplaying what you have and are experiencing; quite the opposite. I'm hoping that by helping you understand that you are not alone, you will feel less despairing. In addition, it's very important you understand that the Universe had you meet up with Ryan for an important reason, and that there is a solution better than any you've come up with (' as there ALWAYS is, for every unpleasant situation we face!). Each one of us has numerous issues to work on, and I truly believe that we are meant to get through them with the best possible outcome occurring. Even though that doesn't always happen!
Getting back to your specific needs, I can see how much you absolutely love Ryan--and he, you. I am being guided to tell you that you can handle having his children in your life, on a very part-time basis. In fact, these twins were your own children in ancient Greece as well as in Nova Scotia about 80 years ago! I have a very strong feeling that you will end up enjoying having them around--all the way up to even loving them.
As far as the lengthy timeframe is concerned (you expressed concern about Ryan's obligations financially towards his children, until you are both in your 60's' ), you are a sophisticated enough old soul to learn to see time differently. There are numerous books out explaining how one can look at the time-space continuum in a new way. One of them (also on video) is by Deepak Chopra and is entitled Body, Mind & Soul. Many people, including me, believe that time is actually speeding up; if you research this concept, I feel you will approach the next 17 or so years with a fresher and healthier outlook.
Lastly, please don't blame Ryan for fathering those twins. That is something he is meant to work through. Also, his relationship with Julie plus the pregnancy, happened before you even met him. Ryan is a good man and I do feel you are both meant to transcend this difficult period, and be together. I have a very good feeling about your therapist and I suggest that you return to her for further guidance (I can tell that she will be very happy with the progress you've been making recently!).
Best of luck to you, Ryan and the twins,