Dear Victoria,
Lately I have come to feel bored with life. Hopefully you can see how emotionally down I have been this past Spring; I am still working very hard, these days on seeing how my life can be more positive. As with anything, I have good days and bad ones. Mostly I find myself being in the bad ones. When I'm in them, I feel worrisome feelings that things will never, ever get better. (A good day is reading your website.)*
There are a number of reasons why I have been looking at the 'glass-half-empty.' I am in school and I didn't do well in my classes this past semester (which is completely uncharacteristic of me) and I have just today found out, both that I am being placed on academic probation, and will probably have my financial aid taken away. Like you've said before, Victoria, everything is related to everything else. I so don't know where to start, or how I got myself in this situation I am now in.
Part of the reason I feel so bored is that I'm feeling that my passion for my chosen career is waning. I need to know if it is still meant for me to do. I need to understand if I should keep working on pursuing a degree in it. Right now, I am contemplating taking a year off and working doing just about anything, to become re-invigorated with life again. What do you feel about that?
There is also the matter of my 'ex-boyfriend.' This is something I definitely need guidance on. We still reside together, and seem like we could be on the edge of a full reconciliation, but I think it would be better if we were completely separated for awhile. I do love him, but I don't think I can be a good match for him right now, because I cheated on him this last February, and now he has major trust issues with me. Can you tell me if we are true soul mates? Will he always worry about me being faithful in the future? I can see us getting back together again, but right now we want such different things. Also I have come to feel 'stuck' (by this I mean being bored here, too) in this relationship, mostly because he takes care of me financially. Part of it I think is that I have lost some of my independence that I was fiercely proud of before we were together. He is a very kind person, and he does not intentionally mean to take away my independence. I think I hate myself for having someone be so good to me, and I do know I take all of his kindnesses for granted.
I am aware that I can sometimes be a hostile person. Even though I have looked into my childhood for answers, I get the feeling that I have felt this way even before this life. Can you share something with me to help me feel more at peace with the world' and myself?
Awaiting your guidance,
Shannon
*I did, not at all, choose Shannon's questions, because she complimented me' ! My Spirit Guides always let me know who I'm meant to respond to in this column, and which edition it's meant to be in!
Dear Shannon,
Here are the various aspects of your life that you have asked me to address: being very bored with your life; trying hard to look at life in a more glass-half-full way; your being put on academic probation, and probably losing your financial aid; the career choice you alluded to; your relationship with your boyfriend ('ex-boyfriend,' is the way you stated it, although you do say that you're still living together' ?); the cheating on him, earlier this year; the issue you acknowledge re being taken care of financially by a man; your own-mentioned hostility, which even potentially dates back to pre-this incarnation; and' your trying to find inner peace, and peace out in the world.
' Not too much to deal with. (Don't worry, I'm just trying to add a bit of humor here' !)
Shannon, I could easily spend at least 10 hours, delving into all of the above topics. However, my Guides (ie, Spirit Guides) are letting me know which areas I need to address; those that will bring you the information you need most, and the quickest.
One of the areas I would have liked to have addressed is your 'chosen career;' unfortunately you neglected to say what that is! So, instead I'm going to help you with the next most pressing aspects.
First things first. By using the word 'first,' I really mean first, as in' the first time' ! I mean--a life a very long time ago, actually back in the 12th Century B.C.--where most of your current issues began. You were a young boy who had been born into a wealthy family. Your then father had some very sinister business dealings, which ended up getting him into a lot of trouble. He was finally sabotaged by a close group of other business/religious leaders, who wound up taking over his palace, businesses, his family' and, ultimately his life. His enemies sneaked into his palace in the middle of one night and took away his wife and most of his children (including you), trying to force him to give over to his enemies what they wanted: his lands and wealth. He didn't, figuring that, as old 'allies,' they were bluffing. Because of that huge mistake of his, you were sent into slavery, and lived out your life as a humble slave. However, you constantly believed that your father would come for you, as he had loved you more than any of the rest of your family. Shannon, that person who was your father in that lifetime, happens to be your boyfriend' or, as you state, your 'ex-boyfriend.'
From a reincarnational standpoint, you recently cheated on him because you were still trying to hurt him, for abandoning you in that lifetime. He, on the other hand, had come to terms long ago re what he had done to you (and several others); he truly wants to give you back so much more in this lifetime than he had ever denied you in that one' that it is truly amazing' It's important for you to hear that you need to forgive him, and allow him to now make up your suffering in that lifetime, in as many ways as possible' even financially (for a short while, at least' not forever' ). And, by flowing with what needs to be, you WILL find that inner peace-- as well as peace out in the world!
Another area I can help you with at this time is re your schooling. Although you haven't done well recently, you can shift that very, very quickly, and-- recoup totally from your 'slump.' The reason I'm saying this is that you have spent many lifetimes as a scholar. Here are some of the areas where you have been a scholar, and have mastered your topic: literature, artistic endeavors (especially oil painting), rhetoric and the political/sociological arena. A higher education for you is literally, a 'no-brainer!' Even though you feel you are going to lose in two ways (by being on probation, and losing your scholarship), you are so comfortable as a soul with working things out quickly and easily, as far as any education is concerned, that I see this shifting immediately for you. Just locate a counselor who you relate well to at your University; explain your situation, and ask for guidance. The worst case scenario is that you have to repeat a measly one-semester. But, since on many levels you love higher education, you will find this extremely easy to have to deal with!
Re your hostility, I suggest that you find a good therapist to work with. I'm not, myself, able to help you with this' as I'm not a therapist. But by the mere fact you are able to comfortably mention this as being an issue for you, I feel that it will be at least reasonably easy to get beyond this quickly fairly soon'
Shannon, I really do hope this has been of help to you,
Victoria
