Through a fluke, I found a new website for me, where I see that you sometimes answer people's personal questions. I want to move to Los Angeles area and am looking for different ways to help myself to get there. I've just started reading LASplash.com; that's where I saw how you responded to someone who was distraught, and I was pretty amazed by how comfortable you made the whole difficult situation seem to be. So, I too am in need of your talent to be comfortable in a situation I'm desperate in, to get over it and to make myself move out to LA. I sincerely hope that you will be able to enlighten me also, in the same kind of way.
I have one big problem that has to do with personal and professional levels. I have been dating 'W' for the past 8 years. The first 4 years of our courtship was something like honey is to bees. But 3 years back we started a business together, and it failed miserably. Not only did we lose the money we each invested, but we also lost each other in the process.
About the time our business fell apart, 'W' began to have a very low opinion of me and my capabilities to be in any sort of a business situation. I suppose you can say that the same was true, vice versa. However, I was willing to forego all that had gone wrong in the recent past, and was truly trying to look forward to keeping a future together.
Even though I'm not sure why, I think it's important to tell you that today I am the one that has been able to hold on to a pretty well-paid job, while he constantly dabbles in high risk, speculative investments.
For a while we both thought that we had overcome that awful business venture together, but somehow things took for the worse. We began argued about money, and kept on doing so. That was true up until last Sunday, when he gave me a huge lashing down on everything possible about me, and how incapable I was at all to be a partner of any sort in his life. He kept insisting that I was of absolutely no value to him, and that he was much, much better off without me.
That was the end for me. I now feel that I have lost all my dignity and self-esteem by being in this poorly managed relationship. I am devastated, and totally apathetic about anything regarding my future. The very sad thing is, I would still like to have him in my life and to try one more time. If destiny would allow us. I am feeling very lost and totally helpless at this point and I desperately need some guidance.
This morning I woke up feeling a warm loving like sensation come over me. I had a strong feeling that I must cut my ties with him, and not dare to call him again on the phone. I think I can do this, and absolutely know that it is necessary for my healing. But, somehow I don't think I can ever, ever get over being that horribly accused by him for not being good enough as his partner.
Please advice on my situation. My heart is shattered into a million pieces.
Thank you for your help in advance and my best wishes to you.
Even though you probably will not like hearing this at all, you needed to experience almost exactly what you did go through' to complete a fairly nasty kharmic cycle that began over 6000 years ago' Up until about 17 lifetimes ago the kharmas you both faced in each lifetime together were fairly dramatic ('fairly' was a nicer more gentile word than some I could have used' !). Gradually, as you each became older souls, you worked out some of the kharmas in an easier, more compassionate way' which allowed you the 'space,' so-to-speak, to work on developing more loving qualities with each other.
You and 'W' have interacted countless times over the eons in business, and even more in romantic relationships. Merging the two has rarely worked out well. The good news is, that you have just completed the cycle that prohibited you from ever being successful when in a personal and business situation at the same time. The way it works is that when you finish off a kharmic cycle, you will never have to face anything like that again: either in this lifetime or in any other to come.
As awful as your situation may now seem to you' and I know it does' your experiences with 'W' have had been very, very mild based on most of your earlier ones. A lifetime I'm seeing was in ancient Rome, approximately 200 AD (or: 'CE'' Common Era). During that particular lifetime he was a Roman Senator, and you were again his wife. He was given a substantial bribe to make sure that certain people were warned of an impending attack, so that they could avoid being in it. Your then husband trusted you implicitly, and gave you the money to hold on to, extracting a promise from you that you wouldn't do anything with it or tell anyone about it. However, you and hubby had been arguing a lot lately and you had just had your suspicions confirmed, that he had taken on a girlfriend. He had to go off to an important meeting to meet with the leaders with what is now France; he expected to be back in about 6 weeks. Once he was gone you confided to a couple of your closest friends about the money. Unfortunately, one of them was also a friend of his new romance. So, of course she found out. She somehow got a message through to him; he had been sharing important information with her, and had told her how much danger there was around taking this sum of money. She warned him that his wife, ie you, were blabbing. He was so furious about being betrayed, that he had you poisoned. Kay, this wasn't even one of the worst lives! And, they do go back and forth; sometimes you are the victim, sometimes he was.
By the way, you mentioned that you are the one to hold down a steady, well paid job while he dabbles in high risk investments. This has been a weakness for both of you up until right this moment. What I mean by that is that once major kharmas are over with someone, you can start building on the strengths of traditional aspects of your relationship that had been weaknesses previously. In your next lifetime what you and he will do is get together and find a similar scenario, where he takes big risks and you manage the money; next time, though, it will be a good and prosperous life, and you'll be loyal and loving to each other. I must say it won't happen in this lifetime' at least, it doesn't seem as though it will. However, anything can change! And you both do still have a lot of love for each other.
You and 'W,' with-and-without the kharmas, have an inately powerful relationship. So much so that there aren't many words to describe it! There are a few terms that are sometimes associated with this caliber of relationship: essence twins, twin flames, twin souls and chief soul mates. This is not the place or time' for me to explain all the complexities of this sort of relationship. I'm merely meant to impress upon you how very powerful this bond is with him.
Kay, to address a couple of the points you mentioned, that end-all argument last Sunday was really The End of your kharmic cycle. You even stated that, 'That was the end for me.' That feeling was so very strong within you, because in every fiber of your being, you did know that that was The End of the old ways of dealing with each other. You also mentioned that you woke up the morning that you wrote to me, feeling a warm loving sensation come over you, and that you knew you must leave him. That loving sensation came right from your very soul, who knew that you are indeed healed from this tremendously long cycle.
You will find yourself gradually feeling more and more positive about life itself. The job that you are now in is only temporary while you rebuild your basic finances. Your life isn't over at all; you are now in a temporary, transitional phase during which you are meant to work on learning how to create wealth for yourself (real estate is one area to look into), and to work on your self esteem which I do realize 'tanked' during the last phases of your relationship with 'W.'
Try not to worry about anything. You have many, wonderful Spirit Guides who are preparing you for the second half of your life being infinitely better than the first half. My suggestion is that you put some distance, and for a long time, between you and your former partner; it will only impede your healing. But, down the line--anything can happen!
Best of luck to you,
Please also feel free to 'Google' Victoria Bullis!