I know you might not have the time to respond to me. I understand that, but I'm hopeful that you might see your way through to doing so. My name is Mark and you helped me out a long time ago, on a radio show. At that time I asked you questions about my education and my marriage. You told me in a sweet, gentle way that we could have a rocky period in a couple of years. You gave me some reasons why, and said that by knowing what might happen, it would help me to understand everything better, so that we could avoid it. You said something then like I wasn't able to see the forest through the trees, or something like that. That if I'd just make a few changes, we'd avoid what you were seeing for us.
Even though I hated to believe it back then, you were right and everything did start to take a turn for the worse, even before you said that they might. We ended up getting divorced back in August of last year, but we started dating again in November. For a while, we both thought things were going pretty well. I had already forgiven her for cheating on me and getting pregnant by somebody else. (By the way she lost the baby, in case you need to know that when you're giving me your answer.)
Because of my religion, I believe in second chances. But because I cannot seem to ever be able to trust her totally, I snoop around. I accidentally found her email password and I go through her cell phone bill. Even though I don't think I've found anything important, I'm thinking of hiring a private investigator, because I really need to know.
What I want to know from you is if I should stop trying to be back together with her. Would I be better off without her? Is there another good woman for me out there, and will I find her anytime soon? I love this woman desperately and I really want things to work with her. What do you see about that? I am at a loss about knowing what to do, and I know that I could use some major help.
Right now she is causing me major problems at work, because of phone calls I make to her. She says that I'm harassing her, when all I'm asking for is the truth. Victoria, what is the truth? In case this is important, I thought I should tell you that I started to go to a therapist, about two weeks ago.
Thank you a lot,
I mulled over for quite a while whether or not I was meant to address your request. Then, all of a sudden I had a 'flash' (or, vivid...image) about your situation. I saw with total clarity everything that you were describing to me, and more. My heart went out to you, and I decided to respond to your letter. My dilemma had been the fact your wife was accusing you of harassing her--which is a serious matter. In addition, you seemed at least somewhat out of control, especially regarding your 'need-to-know.' Since I'm not a therapist, I had concerns about tackling such matters.
At the same time I clairvoyantly saw your scenario, I immediately also knew that I was meant to help you, and what I was meant to say. You mentioned that you had already begun to work with a therapist, which also made it easier for me to come up with my decision.
By the way, my work centers around what is meant to be; which, may not be what is actually going to occur. I.e., each of us is meant to have the very best outcome in any given situation. But quite often we let previous hurts, insecurities, lack of understanding, anger, and countless other reasons, affect us so much that we settle for a more negative outcome.
As you are in the process of doing.
You state that because of your religion, you believe in second chances. I do 'get' that you are absolutely sincere in that belief, and are attempting to practice it. But there is a discrepancy between that belief and your actions. You snoop, and 'accidentally' located her password (' highly unlikely that it was an 'accident'). You have also contemplated hiring a p.i. to snoop on her--even more! As you stated yourself, the big issue here is trust. I feel strongly that this is something to concentrate on with your therapist, before it's too late.
Now, here is what is absolutely meant to happen: you and your wife are destined to try again, to begin to work things out between the two of you... You were actually never meant to go through the nasty break-up that you did, in any way, shape or form.
You and your wife have been married many times during other lifetimes, throughout the course of history. Before you both arrived on Planet Earth this time around, you made a pact, a binding agreement that in this incarnation you would stay together for the long haul; you would be happily married, content, prosperous--and really loving. This important agreement was supposed to ensure that you would remain together, without any of the poverty--or major traumas you've experienced with each other previously. As so often happens, you and she fell back into behavior patterns that you know so well, from other life times. So, it got ugly. Fortunately, not as much as it had been in other centuries, other places.
Since you are truly meant to have that long, loving partnership in this life time, there is a lot of help for you to get back on track with it. And I mean, both celestially and earthly: your Spirit Guides are working with you constantly, feeding you information through inspirations, dreams, etc.. And, here on earth helping you are your therapist, your pastor and now--me. Others will show up, also, along the way as needed.
Mark, you must work on letting go your need to constantly check up on your wife at work, as well as going through her personal items. Importantly, also, it's not appropriate for you to hire a private investigator. Your wife has no intention of cheating on you again. I'm able to see that what went on back then was a total reaction to the way that you were treating her at that time. As I so frequently state, 'That was then, this is now"... You've both moved on, in the way that you used to interact with each other; you've both gotten counsel, and you've both matured. Let it go, Mark.
Do keep up the good work with your new therapist, and your pastor--and, take it very slowly. If you follow this advise, over time, the memory of past hurts will diminish; you will find yourselves growing even closer together because of what you went through, although that probably seems impossible at this moment' (By the way, if it can happen for Eminem, it can happen for you!)
Best of luck,