Hi, my name is Mike and I'm having some relationship problems. My currently ex-girlfriend, as of New Year's Day, found out on Christmas that we are having a baby. She started getting distant with me on Christmas, and stayed acting like that until close to New Year's Eve. I think that, until about the 30th, she wouldn't talk to me at all; I left several messages, but got no responses back. On that day she called me up and asked me to meet her at a restaurant, so I did. We talked about all sorts of things and everything seemed to be going well. We even talked about getting a place together for when the baby comes. She was all for it, and I thought that everything was fine. She called me on the 31st, and then the next day she called and we talked. Then, New Years Day she called again and asked if I wanted to have lunch with her. So, we met for lunch and before we finished she broke things off with me, saying that it was forever. I was totally devastated, and I cried for days. We have not had any contact since; I have no idea how she is doing, or anything at all about the baby.
I'm still in despair and asking you what do you see for me and her, and this baby? Do you see us getting back together? It is definitely what I would like to have happen. I'm ready to be a wonderful father. Please, would you write back to me as soon as you possibly can.
Thank you a lot,
Whew! This is definitely, not a cut-and-dried answer. It took me quite a while, and a re-read of 3 or 4 times, to determine if this was an appropriate question for me to answer.
You are a good really guy, Mike. This world needs a lot more men like you, who have the kind of integrity that you do, in a relationship.
The primary reason that your girlfriend wanted to try to get back together, came from a very deep-seated place. On the powerful, unconscious level she was attempting to sort out if she actually wanted to be a mother at this point in her life--and, also if she did--whether or not she wanted to have you as the biological father. If you've been reading my columns and website, you'll know by now that 'I call a spade, a spade.' Another way of saying this is that I always, 'tell it like it is.' I'm not trying to upset you at all, Mike; it's just that you asked from a truly, caring, confused and very hurt place. Thus, I'm attempting to give you some clarity--and, from that place of clarity, help you to better know how to respond to this situation.
FYI, she, along with countless others in her age group have an idealized notion re motherhood: it's almost as though a cute, adorable little baby would be, in some way an accessory (such as a handbag, or teenie dog in a dog carrying bag!). In other words, a high percentage of women, between the age of 18 and 26 idealize motherhood, and infanthood. This is actually growing as a concept, due to all the celebrities in Hollywood jumping on the bandwagon so-to-speak, to start little families--with their boyfriends or husbands. Angelina Jolie's high profile of adopting babies, then expecting one of her own, has almost made this into a 'must have/must do' !'
So, Mike, what I'm trying to explain, it's a phenomenon which is almost growing out of proportion to the concept of having a loving relationship first, then solidifying the relationship through a marriage ceremony, then--after a while--starting a family. In other words, it's becoming more about having a baby vs. bringing a baby into the world to be a part of a wonderful, relationship. I hope this is of some help to you...?
Back to you Mike. Your girlfriend did have truly warm, loving feelings for you. In fact, I absolutely know that she felt that she was in love with you. But, she allowed herself to be influenced far too much by people around her, such as her family members and close girlsfriends. Sensing how very intuitive you are, I have a strong feeling that this will make almost total sense to you.
It's important that you realize you did about the best you possibly could, in trying to step up to the plate: you took responsibility for yourself and the situation; you attempted well to convince her that you'd be a wonderful father, a loving spouse and a person to be depended upon in all areas of the relationship, including providing for both of them.
Here's what may be the hard part for you to listen to, Mike. Your former girlfriend is now, as of the latter part of February, very confused; she's in the process of attempting to decide what she wants to do. I'm sure that I don't need to explain what that means.
I am in total dialog with your Spirit Guides. They are asking me to suggest to you that each night before you go to sleep, you attempt to communicate with them. Please believe that even if you can't sense them, see them, or hear them--they are there. Talk to them as though they are kind, loving friends of yours, to be totally trusted--which they are. One of them, named Harry, has been particularly trying to get your attention, and wants you to begin to have dialogs with him! He's suggesting that you say, just as you're drifting off to sleep, something like this: "Harry, and all my other Spirit Guides, I surrender to you the most perfect possible outcome for this situation. Help me to understand what is going on here and how I should proceed...I trust that you will provide the three of us with the best solution possible." Surrendering whatever issues you have, for the highest possible good of all creates-- miracles happening. I've witnessed this, thousands of times.
Please trust that you, the baby, and the mom are all being guided. Just ask for what is best.